Parenting in Year 12: Supporting, not stressing - by Dr Sarah Ford
Stress is a normal part of year 12 and, at manageable levels, can motivate learning and performance. But too much stress is debilitating. Type “Year 12” into a Google search and titles in the first few results include “surviving” and “is it worth the stress?” (see link below to ABC news report). Students, already burdened by the pressure of a ranking-based education system, need home and family to be a sanctuary.
But parents often do not know how to support their teen, or think they do know, but are misguided. A good starting point is to ask your child: How can I support you? Most teens are resourceful and, after 11 years of schooling, have a good sense of what works for them. They are also more likely to engage in a conversation in which they have control.
As part of this discussion, try to explore the following key areas: How to help them follow their daily/weekly routine, find balance, and keep connecting to life beyond school, all of which sustain students during intense study times. Here are some other suggestions derived from working with Year 12 students:
Keep connecting and communicating
Regularly find time to check in with your child about how they are. Focus on asking how they are feeling, rather than how school is going. This reduces the school pressure they already feel, and you will likely find out more about how things really are for them. Try to choose a time that will work for them, or ask them to choose a time to chat.
When teens are distressed, listen, try to stay calm, and simply validate their distress.
Offer a hug. Often the best support is not trying to fix a problem, but simply acknowledging and sitting with hard feelings. Later, when they are calmer and ready to talk, a way that you can help may present itself, such as encouraging them to have a night off or to see a friend.
Encourage breaks and regular rest
Regular breaks help the brain to work harder during study time. Shorter bursts of study of about 50 minutes followed by a 15-minute break are more effective than marathon stints. Breaks should involve leaving the study environment to, for example, move and energise the body, step outside for some fresh air or to eat a healthy snack. Encourage a regular sleep and wake time that allows for at least eight hours of sleep each night, and scheduled time to relax and do nothing, or a calming practice such as yoga or reading a fiction book.
There is life beyond school
Life beyond school does not stop in Year 12, and nor should it. In fact, finding a balance that includes continuing to see friends, exercise a few times a week, and maintaining a part time job (up until exam time), helps with managing time and keeping up energy, both of which are good skills for studying. This is a peak age for peer connections and keeping these up, within reason, will help kids remain emotionally balanced.
Help contain social media
The constant distraction of social media splits attention and compromises the ability to focus and remember information. Brainstorm ideas with your child about how to minimise their use of social media during study times and the half hour leading up to bedtime, when the brain needs to wind down rather than get fired up by screens.
Unconditional love
Above all else, remember to regularly tell your teen that you love them, regardless of their school performance. Your child’s year 12 results do not determine their future. Many people who do poorly in exams go on to have fulfilling and rewarding lives. Reflect on and name their strengths, including aspects of their personality, their abilities and the things they enjoy doing across all areas of life. We are all much more than a number.
ABC News Report: Year 12 Exams: Are they Worth the Stress?
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-10-11/year-12-exams-are-they-worth-the-stress/9029260
More support and information for:
Parents
Youth Beyond Blue: Surviving Year 12
http://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/1292
Students
Headspace: How To Reduce Stress & Prepare for Exams
https://headspace.org.au/young-people/surviving-school-exams-and-stress/
Youth Beyond Blue: Surviving Year 12